Drunk Bob is a bad influence: a warning against lunchtime drinking

The shenanigans are starting. You knew it would happen, you knew it was going to start. There are no words that can explain the below.

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The spirit of Christmas is here with mulled wine

It's been a while since we've had some HDIB shenanigans, and while this is disappointingly not an overly drunk HDIB post (we've dropped the ball on a couple other ocassions recently) we present you HDIB's Christmas wishes: Merry Happy Holidays and Christmas everyone. Drunk Bob says: Salut! mmmm mulled wine is teh yummeh!



As the holiday season kicks off, and as the office Christmas party is around the corner, we expect a particularly busy month at HDIB. Stay tuned - we promise you this:
Bob + booze + holiday season = Shenanigans. True story!

Code Freeze?

There's a Code Freeze happening today at Bob Industries, but predictably, Bob is nowhere to be found and the deadline has already passed. Perhaps he's celebrating the release of our latest product a little early.

We'll be sure to update you when we know more, but for now Bob is missing, presumed drunk.

Honorary Acting Technical Director In Chief Deskcake is standing in the wings, ready to push the button.

Uh-oh! Someone's spiked the office coffee.

Looks like Drunk Bob's been getting up to his old antics again! It appears he's been drunkenly devilish and spiked Gordon's morning beverage. Precisely what he's spiked it with I can't be sure, but I've got my suspicions.

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Drunk Bob is feeling the Christmas spirit a little early

BREAKING:
Well, I'm just lost for words. An anonymous source has just sent in the clip below. It looks as though Drunk Bob's been hitting the eggnog pretty early this year, and the only explanation for this is that said eggnog is laced with acid.

Check out Bob's killer moves below and be amazed at what pouring vodka on your cornflakes in the morning will do to you.

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Lunchtime drinking is like swine flu - it's very contagious

After last week's coup de cupcake that saw Bob (temporarily) overthrown in a managerial capacity by Deskcake, we are seeing a slightly frightening trend emerging. This week, it seems the H1N1 bug of daytime drinking has infected Neil! Neil, you will know, is the other sanctimonious writer of HDIB and rarely partakes in works-related drinking (unless I moan, whine and bribe with gossip). He's been out in the pub since lunch and has yet to return! He's attempting to (drunkenly) summon me to the pub as well, but thanks to the heavy rotation of NHS ads regarding swine flu drinking, I'm staying well away!

Neil isn't on his own - joining him in his Monday afternoon repartee of cocktails is Ian (of How Divorced is Ian fame). Ian joins Neil today after much (and by much I mean none at all) arm twisting. I think they make a beautiful co-dependent pair, what do y'all think?

Just remember dudes, if your hangovers don't get you, sausage cat will.

Crisis in the office!

Oh noes! We urgently need the input of a middle management type here at Bob's work, but Bob is nowhere to be found. We've scoured the office, looked under the fridge in the canteen, and even in the seventh circle of hell that is the gents toilets.

So in a brave show of courage, DeskCake has stepped forward as Honorary Acting Technical Director In Chief until Bob can be found. Or replaced, whichever is cheaper.



I, for one, welcome our new frosting encrusted overlord.

Update: It seems Bob might be in the pub. Odd how we never thought to look there.

Newsflash

This just in: Bob is OFF the wagon!!!

An eye witness reported that Bob was out drinking late last night, despite having vowed that he would "only be having one". It seems one turned into five, but the blame was placed firmly on Kerry, who as a regular contributor to HDiB can only be described as a 'bad influence'.

Questioning Bob about the incident, it seems she 'twisted his arm'. Literally and physically. Ouch! Kerry responded, saying that Bob told her to, and adding "Bob is definitely an acoholic [sic]".

Bob replied "Takes one to know one", to which Kerry retorted "I'm rubber, you're glue".

We feel this one might run and run.

One foot on the wagon

In a surprise twist, Bob's been pretty much mostly sober this week, so we've resorted to making stuff up instead.

Here's a picture of a giant KerryLobster attacking a tiny HappyDrinkingBob.

The shocking truth

It has come to light that there may be a more sinister reason for Bob's current vacation than was previously thought.

Within the comments section of the following video...



...the following comment was recently discovered.



We wish you well with your recovery, Mrs Bob.

Reunion

Bob met up with an old friend at rehab his hotel yesterday. HDIB can exclusively reveal the whereabouts of Deskcake, the former blogger missing in action since August.


The details of Deskcake's disappearance, arrest and subsequent involuntary clinical hotel stay are currently sketchy, but we'll bring you the news as it breaks.

Stay tuned to HDIB.

Rehab: Update

Drunk Bob's just been in touch to give us worried folks an update on how he's getting on! We're so happy to hear from Drunk Bob especially as he sounded in good spirits.

The ahem resort he's staying at is apparently very relaxing and peaceful. Bob's had a group meeting this morning so he got to meet a lot of new people. The group leader however, has a disconcertingly soothing voice that is sort of freaking him out.

The people at the resort are making him wear this tshirt around - he's not quite sure why but apparently it'll help him feel better (although Bob suspects that Pepto Bismal would be better than a tshirt - curry night did not agree with him). Anyway, Bob sends his love and a picture of said tshirt - maybe someone out there could explain this?

Rehab

In a last, desperate attempt to curb his drinking, Bob's wife has taken him away on a week-long intervention holiday. Bob posed for a quick photo shoot outside the hotel. We wish Bob luck. Maybe he'll send us a postcard.

Drunk Bob is on a Booze Vacay

Since Bob has been on a booze hiatus for the past couple of days, we have a Drunk Bob analogue standing in for him. Ladies and gentlemen of the internets, I bring you DAVE!

Yep, that's right. Dave has surpassed Bob's recent efforts and has been out on the piss for two days, culminating in today's mid-morning nap sesh right at his desk. He will now have to spend the rest of the day fixing the code he just wrecked - which looks a little like this:
'code code code code code coooode zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............................ *headbang on desk*'

As a treat for mostly myself, and since Bob refused to let me to do this in real life (I had to settle for a lame sign saying WAKE UP DAVE! You're fired!) I give you an image of what Dave should have looked like when he finally woke up. Please check my mad MS Paint skillz. Oh yeah bitches!

Drunk Bob turns into Drag Bob

Uh oh! Bob's at it again - and this time he has props! Seems Bob was so overcome by my chat about buying a dress for a wedding that he just up and got himself an awfully pretty dress. He also would like everyone to start referring to him as The Great Bobbina - Queen of the Drunkards, but mostly on Saturday nights.

There is a bit of a problem though, I bought the same dress - and I think Bob looks HAWT in it. What say you?

Drunk Bob in action

An anonymous reader has sent in these amazing pictures of Bob in the wild.

Just say no

Here's a friendly word of advice for Bob to help him through the day.

Drinking with Bob

Ever wanted to go drinking with Bob? Well now you can.
Don't miss his "Global warming is a myth" rant, it's a doozy!

Disclaimer: May in fact be a completely different Bob. Who knows.

How drunk is Bob?

Today, Bob's been drinking for four hours (and counting).

How drunk is Bob?